翻了一首歌词，请大家拍砖

themostwante

Tattoo 如印在心

Jordin Sparks

No matter what you say about love无所谓爱之何往
I keep coming back for more我所欲者甚广
Keep my hand in the fire火焰中的手掌
Sooner or later I get what I’m asking for终将捧回夙望

No matter what you say about life无所谓生之何往
I learn every time I bleed我舔着伤
The truth is a stranger陌路之上
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free放受困的灵魂飞翔
To admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind我无错，我无悔
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind一往无前，一如既往

 

I can’t waste time so give it a moment用一秒驱散迷惘
I realize nothing's broken无关痛痒
No need to worry about everything I’ve done我毋需任何牵挂
Live every second like it was my last one痛饮末日之觞
Don’t look back got a new direction别回头找寻方向
I loved you once, needed protection爱意曾不需要流浪
You’re still a part of everything I do你依旧如影随形
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo如印在心
Just like a tattoo其印缱绻
I’ll always have you (I'll always have you)无论现在与曾经

 

Sick of playing all of these games 已倦怠的算计与考量
It’s not about taking sides 撤出步步为营的高堂
When I looked in the mirror didn’t deliver对镜无可贴花黄
It hurt enough to think that I could stop停留不可想象
Admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind我无错，我无悔
Sorry but I’ve gotta be strong and leave you behind学会坚强，不再回望

I can’t waste time so give it a moment用一秒驱散迷惘
I realize nothing's broken无关痛痒
No need to worry about everything I’ve done我毋需任何牵挂
Live every second like it was my last one痛饮末日之觞
Don’t look back got a new direction别回头找寻方向
I loved you once, needed protection爱意曾不需要流浪
You’re still a part of everything I do你依旧如影随形

You’re on my heart just like a tattoo如印在心
Just like a tattoo其印缱绻
I’ll always have you (I'll always have you)无论现在与曾经

If I live every moment如若生命的诗行
Won’t change any moment无法交响
There's still a part of me in you你依然牵动我的心房
I will never regret you容不下歉意的怀想
Still the memory of you时时浮现
Marks everything I do你明灭的面庞

 
You’re still a part of everything I do你依旧如影随形
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo如印在心
Just like a tattoo其印缱绻
I’ll always have you无论现在与曾经

刘虎

对比英文与译文，觉得好像是两首完全不同的诗。中文雅是雅了，但意思不清楚。例如第一句，不理解No matter what you say about love为什么译成““无所谓爱之何往”？直译是“无论你关于爱说什么”，这是“无所谓”吗？与下一句联在一起，让人不知所云：无所谓爱之何往，我所欲者甚广。单从中文来理解，好像是说：在我所欲的东西中，爱只是微不足道的部分。这可跟原诗差了不少啊！

揣摩原诗头两段的意思是：不管你关于爱/生说什么，我都要……。实际上表达了强烈的爱与生的愿望。我觉得楼主的毛病在于中文表达能力不够熟练，不能分辨中文语句的细微之处，因此有些辞不达意。汉语文言的语法结构与现代英语完全不是一码事，如果不是有十分把握，还是不要用文言翻译现代诗歌，吃力不讨好。

苍粟

刘老师到底是行家！不过还是鼓励原创，加油

远风

呵呵，我也有这种感觉，就是文白夹杂的问题。不能轻易用。

themostwante

谨遵各位老师教诲,说起来还是我水云间第一帖,果然有收获,我会慢慢改的

cyrano

   全智师兄果然是中文系的才子啊，译文很有现代诗的风格。

西贝惑

坛里有木有人来翻一番？

沉默的帮兄，come on do not be shy

木兰晓芙

给出两个链接，你可以感受感受我们论坛喜爱翻译的优良风气：（1）罗勒， 关于《葡萄牙散记》里提到的Balada   ，http://ishuiyunjian.com/viewthread.php?tid=5095&highlight=%B7%AD%D2%EB%2B%2B%2B%2B%B8%E8%B4%CA。（2）白玉雕像，悬赏译文   ，http://ishuiyunjian.com/viewthread.php?tid=3840。